Are You Listening?
By Jennifer Thorpe
Listening is becoming a lost art. In our culture, we have numerous ways to communicate with one another. We are continually talking, but do we listen to each other? Do we truly listen?! For example, how many times are you in a conversation and are ready to answer before the person speaking has finished? Have you made up your mind about what someone’s words mean before they end their sentence? We may all be able to relate to this at one time or another. No one is perfect at listening. However, we can decide to become active listeners.
Active listening can be an agent of change in our relationships. It can positively impact our friendships, homes, workplaces, communities, and society. To exercise this muscle, we must first understand listening is different than hearing. Hearing involves perceiving sound while listening is actively making a conscious effort to give attention to sound, one’s words, and understand. It takes work. Ironically, many of us believe we are great listeners and remember a large portion of what someone has spoken to us. In reality, we retained about 25% of what was said. It’s hard to conclude with so little information absorbed. It’s no surprise that many people feel misunderstood or have an exhaustive example of anger, judgment, misconceptions, contempt, and many broken relationships. Yet, active listening can bring about peace, wisdom, enlightenment, respect, and healing relationships.
If you want to be an active listener, practice this skill. Every conversation is an opportunity. You can start by presuming the person you are conversing with is valued and that their needs are essential. Tell the person what you heard. For example, you can say: “What I hear you saying is ………, is this accurate?” If they respond, yes, you can move forward. If they answer no, continue to be patient with yourself and ask them to continue to explain. This small gesture can help to avoid conflicts. It can also help with reconciliation. We desire to be heard. Yet, I have discovered we fall on deaf ears when we are unable to listen actively. We spend a large portion of our lives listening, so let’s master this art together!